1 00:00:11,285 --> 00:00:13,045 I don't want you to grieve forever. 2 00:00:13,885 --> 00:00:14,965 I mean, grieve a bit. 3 00:00:15,845 --> 00:00:17,845 I want everyone in floods at the funeral. 4 00:00:18,805 --> 00:00:20,605 But don't spiral, don't obsess. 5 00:00:20,965 --> 00:00:21,805 Keep going. 6 00:00:22,245 --> 00:00:24,725 Get up. Don't mope about in bed all day. 7 00:00:25,045 --> 00:00:26,605 Get out. Open the curtains. 8 00:00:26,925 --> 00:00:28,245 Enjoy the sun 9 00:00:28,325 --> 00:00:29,205 while you can. 10 00:00:30,845 --> 00:00:32,845 [melancholy music] 11 00:00:50,325 --> 00:00:51,325 [exhales] 12 00:00:52,325 --> 00:00:53,725 [Tony panting] 13 00:00:57,005 --> 00:00:58,485 [Brandy panting] 14 00:00:58,565 --> 00:00:59,405 [sighs] 15 00:01:00,285 --> 00:01:01,165 Hungry? 16 00:01:01,245 --> 00:01:02,365 [Brandy whines] 17 00:01:07,485 --> 00:01:08,405 [sighs] 18 00:01:08,765 --> 00:01:11,005 If you could open a tin, I'd be dead now. 19 00:01:11,725 --> 00:01:12,925 But you can't, can ya? 20 00:01:13,685 --> 00:01:14,725 'Cause you're useless. 21 00:01:15,365 --> 00:01:17,165 Who's useless? Who's useless? 22 00:01:17,605 --> 00:01:18,445 You are! 23 00:01:19,045 --> 00:01:19,965 You are. 24 00:01:20,445 --> 00:01:21,445 You're useless. 25 00:01:22,565 --> 00:01:23,685 Good girl. 26 00:01:32,325 --> 00:01:34,325 [birds chirping] 27 00:01:42,725 --> 00:01:43,605 [Pat huffs] 28 00:01:44,285 --> 00:01:46,125 Do you still want me to put it through the door? 29 00:01:46,285 --> 00:01:47,645 No, you can give it to me. 30 00:01:48,445 --> 00:01:51,325 Just a postcard from Mike and Beth, whoever they are. 31 00:01:52,245 --> 00:01:53,085 Friends. 32 00:01:53,605 --> 00:01:54,685 What's it say? 33 00:01:54,765 --> 00:01:56,365 Just says, "Having a great time, and... 34 00:01:56,885 --> 00:01:57,965 Mike's had diarrhea." 35 00:02:00,205 --> 00:02:01,045 Good. 36 00:02:01,645 --> 00:02:04,525 Well, let's hope you're still my postman when I'm blind. 37 00:02:09,125 --> 00:02:10,005 Go on. 38 00:02:14,165 --> 00:02:17,565 [woman] Well, we went to that nice Greek restaurant that we usually go to. 39 00:02:17,645 --> 00:02:19,725 You know that one at the top of the road? 40 00:02:20,125 --> 00:02:22,885 Well, Sheila was in a terrible mood again. Well... 41 00:02:26,165 --> 00:02:27,205 I'm going mad. 42 00:02:28,605 --> 00:02:30,325 You're only mad if they answer back. 43 00:02:31,245 --> 00:02:32,485 He does answer back. 44 00:02:33,285 --> 00:02:34,565 [birds chirping] 45 00:02:35,525 --> 00:02:36,445 What's he say? 46 00:02:37,165 --> 00:02:38,485 Depends what I ask him. 47 00:02:39,525 --> 00:02:40,365 'Course. 48 00:02:42,405 --> 00:02:43,245 Your mum? 49 00:02:46,125 --> 00:02:46,965 My wife. 50 00:02:47,965 --> 00:02:48,805 Oh. 51 00:02:50,045 --> 00:02:50,885 Sorry. 52 00:02:53,165 --> 00:02:54,605 Stan was my husband. 53 00:02:56,765 --> 00:02:57,605 I'm Anne. 54 00:02:58,685 --> 00:02:59,525 I'm Tony. 55 00:03:01,445 --> 00:03:02,325 Nice to meet you. 56 00:03:07,765 --> 00:03:09,005 He seems nice. 57 00:03:09,925 --> 00:03:11,685 -Does he agree? -Of course. 58 00:03:12,885 --> 00:03:14,485 Never disagreed with me once. 59 00:03:14,565 --> 00:03:16,605 Not in 48 years. [chuckles] 60 00:03:20,645 --> 00:03:21,805 I didn't get that long. 61 00:03:36,205 --> 00:03:37,645 [breathes in deeply] 62 00:03:45,245 --> 00:03:47,405 I met a nice lady in the graveyard, Dad. 63 00:03:49,685 --> 00:03:51,285 Don't tell Lisa. 64 00:03:52,325 --> 00:03:53,445 [quietly] Fuck me. 65 00:03:55,325 --> 00:03:56,485 She's more your age. 66 00:03:59,165 --> 00:04:00,645 A bit of Viagra... [whistles] 67 00:04:00,725 --> 00:04:01,605 Bob's your uncle. 68 00:04:04,445 --> 00:04:05,285 Is he? 69 00:04:07,045 --> 00:04:08,085 Always nice to chat. 70 00:04:09,125 --> 00:04:10,765 Right, here we go at last. 71 00:04:10,845 --> 00:04:12,765 -[Tony] Hi. -[nurse] Sorry about that. Hi. 72 00:04:13,405 --> 00:04:14,565 Right, cuppa tea. 73 00:04:15,125 --> 00:04:16,245 Two sugars. 74 00:04:16,645 --> 00:04:19,365 Right, let's get you sorted, give you a wee comb. 75 00:04:21,165 --> 00:04:23,085 Doesn't look too bad, actually, does it? 76 00:04:23,925 --> 00:04:27,245 It's nice out there today. We'll get out in the garden later on, eh? 77 00:04:29,365 --> 00:04:31,245 [sighing] I don't know how you do it. 78 00:04:31,885 --> 00:04:32,765 What? 79 00:04:32,845 --> 00:04:33,805 Stay sane. 80 00:04:34,845 --> 00:04:36,605 He doesn't know what you're on about, does he? 81 00:04:36,685 --> 00:04:38,445 He doesn't remember you, I bet. 82 00:04:38,885 --> 00:04:40,285 He doesn't know he's alive. 83 00:04:40,525 --> 00:04:41,405 What is the point? 84 00:04:41,485 --> 00:04:42,925 What do you mean, "What's the point?" 85 00:04:43,365 --> 00:04:44,805 They helped us when they could, 86 00:04:44,885 --> 00:04:47,725 now they can't. He can't even help himself, so I do. 87 00:04:48,445 --> 00:04:50,485 No, I know. But is it for the best? 88 00:04:51,365 --> 00:04:52,885 We don't know what they're feeling. 89 00:04:52,965 --> 00:04:53,885 They don't know. 90 00:04:54,365 --> 00:04:55,325 [nurse] So just in case, 91 00:04:55,725 --> 00:04:57,325 be nice to them, eh? 92 00:05:01,525 --> 00:05:02,365 [nurse sighs] 93 00:05:02,445 --> 00:05:04,525 [Tony] My dad's completely gone now. 94 00:05:04,765 --> 00:05:06,485 I feel bad that I resent 95 00:05:07,125 --> 00:05:08,685 having to visit him every day, 96 00:05:08,765 --> 00:05:10,765 but I know I'd feel bad if I didn't visit every day. 97 00:05:10,845 --> 00:05:12,445 And then when I do visit him every day, 98 00:05:12,525 --> 00:05:15,245 I feel bad when I leave 'cause it was so depressing. 99 00:05:15,525 --> 00:05:18,565 I know I'm not thinking straight, but I don't wanna think straight 100 00:05:18,645 --> 00:05:21,925 'cause when I do, I get even more fucking depressed because... 101 00:05:22,645 --> 00:05:23,605 I just wanna sleep. 102 00:05:24,605 --> 00:05:25,765 You know, I haven't... 103 00:05:26,445 --> 00:05:27,725 Sorry, am I boring you? 104 00:05:28,445 --> 00:05:32,445 I just got into an argument on Twitter with some absolute moron medical student. 105 00:05:32,525 --> 00:05:34,725 Now he's decided to block me 'cause he couldn't take it. 106 00:05:34,885 --> 00:05:35,725 [scoffs] 107 00:05:36,325 --> 00:05:37,445 It's pathetic. 108 00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:39,245 It is, yeah. 109 00:05:39,325 --> 00:05:41,685 [therapist scoffs] I'd love to meet him. 110 00:05:42,245 --> 00:05:43,085 Yeah? 111 00:05:43,165 --> 00:05:45,565 And fucking give him a good hiding. [chuckles] 112 00:05:48,045 --> 00:05:50,045 [melancholy piano] 113 00:05:55,605 --> 00:05:57,085 [Tony] Off to buy some smack? 114 00:05:57,405 --> 00:05:58,245 Yep. 115 00:05:58,565 --> 00:06:00,045 How much do you get for that then? 116 00:06:00,645 --> 00:06:01,925 Err, just, um... 117 00:06:02,005 --> 00:06:03,165 It's like a little bag. 118 00:06:04,645 --> 00:06:05,925 I might join you one day. 119 00:06:07,525 --> 00:06:08,765 Yeah, anytime. 120 00:06:08,845 --> 00:06:09,685 Tonight? 121 00:06:10,725 --> 00:06:11,765 Err... 122 00:06:11,845 --> 00:06:12,685 How do you mean? 123 00:06:12,885 --> 00:06:14,285 I wanna try heroin tonight. 124 00:06:15,605 --> 00:06:16,885 What, you? Really? 125 00:06:16,965 --> 00:06:17,805 Yeah. 126 00:06:18,405 --> 00:06:19,525 Why not? Fuck it. 127 00:06:21,445 --> 00:06:22,525 How much for one try? 128 00:06:23,005 --> 00:06:24,325 Erm... 129 00:06:24,405 --> 00:06:25,325 One try, one hit. 130 00:06:25,405 --> 00:06:26,685 What do you want exactly? 131 00:06:27,045 --> 00:06:28,045 Not injecting it. 132 00:06:28,645 --> 00:06:31,965 I can't stand needles. Also AIDS. I don't wanna die of that. 133 00:06:32,045 --> 00:06:33,845 You only get AIDS if you share needles. 134 00:06:33,925 --> 00:06:36,245 Anyway, these days, you don't really die of it, so-- 135 00:06:36,325 --> 00:06:38,605 So, everything moves on, dunnit? 136 00:06:39,525 --> 00:06:40,405 Even AIDS. 137 00:06:42,045 --> 00:06:44,805 Yeah, it's probably best if you smoke a bit in a joint. 138 00:06:44,885 --> 00:06:45,765 It's no big deal. 139 00:06:45,845 --> 00:06:46,805 Chasing the dragon. 140 00:06:46,885 --> 00:06:47,885 [snorts quietly] 141 00:06:48,685 --> 00:06:49,525 Yeah. 142 00:06:50,165 --> 00:06:51,005 Okay. 143 00:06:51,965 --> 00:06:52,885 Get me, err.... 144 00:06:55,125 --> 00:06:56,125 twenty quids' worth. 145 00:06:56,205 --> 00:06:57,525 Just want a little taster. 146 00:06:57,925 --> 00:06:58,765 [Julian] Okay. 147 00:06:58,845 --> 00:07:00,885 Bring it around at seven, 148 00:07:00,965 --> 00:07:02,325 -yeah? -Yep. 149 00:07:02,405 --> 00:07:04,405 -[Tony] D'you know where I live? -Yeah. 150 00:07:04,685 --> 00:07:06,445 And keep it... 151 00:07:07,485 --> 00:07:08,965 -All right? -Okay. 152 00:07:20,725 --> 00:07:22,645 -You ready, Jabba? -[Lenny] One minute. 153 00:07:34,765 --> 00:07:37,045 You get a lovely little handful of his neck. 154 00:07:37,845 --> 00:07:38,685 Like a pug. 155 00:07:41,045 --> 00:07:42,205 [Braden] You all right? 156 00:07:43,725 --> 00:07:44,765 How's it going? 157 00:07:44,845 --> 00:07:48,725 I'm still alone, angry, in pain. I can't wait to end it all. You? 158 00:07:49,685 --> 00:07:50,565 I'm fine, thanks. 159 00:07:51,085 --> 00:07:53,645 If you're not killing yourself tonight, still okay to look after George? 160 00:07:53,725 --> 00:07:55,805 Yeah. What time did we say? 161 00:07:55,885 --> 00:07:57,205 About five. 162 00:07:57,685 --> 00:08:00,765 I've got a thing with Jill. Only be a couple of hours. We'll be back by seven. 163 00:08:00,845 --> 00:08:02,325 Seven? By seven? 164 00:08:02,405 --> 00:08:04,365 I need to... I've got a thing at seven. 165 00:08:05,125 --> 00:08:06,085 Yeah. 166 00:08:07,125 --> 00:08:09,125 -Okay. -What were you doing with his neck? 167 00:08:09,925 --> 00:08:12,245 Just showing Sandy the ropes. 168 00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:13,285 The consistency, 169 00:08:13,365 --> 00:08:15,205 which is not like neck at all. 170 00:08:15,285 --> 00:08:18,645 -It's more like breast or scrotum. -Well, you're not touching them. 171 00:08:19,725 --> 00:08:21,885 -You all right with that? -Yeah, fine. [sighs] 172 00:08:21,965 --> 00:08:22,805 [Tony] He's nodding. 173 00:08:24,285 --> 00:08:25,605 -You all right with that? -Yeah. 174 00:08:25,685 --> 00:08:27,805 Why wouldn't she be all right with me grabbing his neck? 175 00:08:27,885 --> 00:08:30,045 These days, it's a minefield. 176 00:08:31,165 --> 00:08:34,005 -Are you gonna do that story? -Yeah, we're off to do it now. Come on. 177 00:08:35,605 --> 00:08:37,645 Is that how you were carried around when you were young? 178 00:08:40,325 --> 00:08:42,125 -[Tony] See ya later. -[Lenny] See ya. 179 00:08:42,205 --> 00:08:43,325 See ya. 180 00:08:43,405 --> 00:08:46,725 ["London's Burning" on the recorder] 181 00:08:48,205 --> 00:08:50,205 [recorder continues] 182 00:08:50,765 --> 00:08:53,885 [recorder hits high notes] 183 00:09:03,165 --> 00:09:04,725 Wow. [scoffs, stutters] 184 00:09:06,005 --> 00:09:08,045 Lost for words. It's just... 185 00:09:08,365 --> 00:09:09,205 [Tony] Um... 186 00:09:10,085 --> 00:09:11,085 Err... 187 00:09:11,165 --> 00:09:13,525 How long did it take you to master the... 188 00:09:13,605 --> 00:09:15,325 double-nostril recorder? 189 00:09:15,405 --> 00:09:17,045 Few hours a day for a few weeks, wasn't it? 190 00:09:17,125 --> 00:09:19,885 [chuckling] Yeah. Blimey. Did me head in. 191 00:09:19,965 --> 00:09:20,965 [laughs insincerely] 192 00:09:21,605 --> 00:09:22,885 All worth it now, though. 193 00:09:23,325 --> 00:09:25,445 -[woman] Yeah. -[Tony] Yeah. Cool. 194 00:09:25,525 --> 00:09:26,565 'Cause I haven't got a job. 195 00:09:26,645 --> 00:09:27,645 No? 196 00:09:27,725 --> 00:09:29,725 So I've got lots of time. [chuckles] 197 00:09:29,805 --> 00:09:31,005 Use it wisely. 198 00:09:31,765 --> 00:09:34,085 [Tony] Funny, 'cause it was only this morning, I was thinking 199 00:09:34,165 --> 00:09:38,205 my life was worthless, and I should definitely kill myself, and then... 200 00:09:39,965 --> 00:09:41,565 Makes you think, dunnit? 201 00:09:41,645 --> 00:09:42,645 Yeah. 202 00:09:45,645 --> 00:09:46,605 Get a picture? 203 00:09:47,765 --> 00:09:48,925 Recorders in. 204 00:09:49,565 --> 00:09:51,645 -[recorders whistle] -[Lenny] Stick em up. There ya go. 205 00:09:52,205 --> 00:09:53,765 -[camera beeps] -[Tony] Fuck me. 206 00:09:55,485 --> 00:09:56,725 -[Lenny] Cheers. -[woman] Thanks. 207 00:09:56,805 --> 00:09:57,805 [Lenny] Thank you. 208 00:09:58,765 --> 00:10:00,445 [Tony, sighing] Oh, fuck. 209 00:10:04,725 --> 00:10:05,845 [Lenny and woman muttering] 210 00:10:05,925 --> 00:10:07,045 [indistinct dialogue] 211 00:10:09,925 --> 00:10:11,045 That was funny. 212 00:10:11,685 --> 00:10:12,765 [Tony] Was it though? 213 00:10:13,325 --> 00:10:16,405 A fat kid who still lives at home with his mum, no job, 214 00:10:16,485 --> 00:10:19,565 so he shoves recorders up his nose and he wants the world to know. 215 00:10:19,845 --> 00:10:22,765 Why would people rather be famous for being shit than not famous at all? 216 00:10:22,845 --> 00:10:23,805 When did that start? 217 00:10:23,885 --> 00:10:25,845 It's just a bit of a laugh. We do these stories 218 00:10:25,925 --> 00:10:28,245 so people read them and go, "Oh, that's interesting." 219 00:10:28,925 --> 00:10:30,005 Like a road accident. 220 00:10:30,525 --> 00:10:32,285 When you slow down on the motorway you go, 221 00:10:32,365 --> 00:10:35,085 "Oh, that's interesting. Oh, I wish I hadn't looked." 222 00:10:35,885 --> 00:10:37,885 Good how he played two at the same time. 223 00:10:41,405 --> 00:10:44,445 -[Tony] What did you say to the mother? -Asked if I could call her. 224 00:10:44,525 --> 00:10:46,405 -[Tony] Why? -What do you mean, "why?" 225 00:10:46,725 --> 00:10:48,965 -Why would you need to call her? -For a date. 226 00:10:49,445 --> 00:10:51,205 You asked the fat kid's mom out on a date? 227 00:10:51,285 --> 00:10:52,245 Yeah. 228 00:10:52,325 --> 00:10:53,885 -[Tony] Unbelievable. -Why? 229 00:10:54,445 --> 00:10:55,885 [Tony] Unprofessional. Embarrassing. 230 00:10:55,965 --> 00:10:56,805 For who? 231 00:10:57,085 --> 00:10:58,925 For me, for her, probably. 232 00:10:59,005 --> 00:11:00,165 Well, she said yes. 233 00:11:00,245 --> 00:11:03,325 [Tony] Seems odd. You meet a woman who wants to get a fat kid in the paper, 234 00:11:03,405 --> 00:11:04,805 and you hit on her immediately. 235 00:11:04,885 --> 00:11:06,525 I've got a very high sex drive. 236 00:11:06,605 --> 00:11:08,645 Okay, well never say those words again. 237 00:11:09,045 --> 00:11:11,045 [computer keyboard clattering] 238 00:11:15,325 --> 00:11:16,165 Oh. 239 00:11:16,685 --> 00:11:17,765 It's coming this way. 240 00:11:19,085 --> 00:11:21,485 Be very still and it might not see us. 241 00:11:24,645 --> 00:11:26,485 Nah, we're done for. 242 00:11:27,005 --> 00:11:28,325 It's stopping. 243 00:11:30,565 --> 00:11:32,045 -All right? -[Sandy] Hi. 244 00:11:33,565 --> 00:11:35,645 -[distant telephone ringing] -[Kath sighs] 245 00:11:38,365 --> 00:11:39,685 Do you have weird dreams? 246 00:11:40,965 --> 00:11:41,805 [Sandy] Erm... 247 00:11:42,805 --> 00:11:44,205 -Sometimes. -[Kath] Mmm. 248 00:11:44,285 --> 00:11:45,125 Yeah. 249 00:11:46,685 --> 00:11:47,765 What about you? 250 00:11:47,845 --> 00:11:50,405 I don't have any dreams at the moment 'cause I'm not sleeping. 251 00:11:50,485 --> 00:11:53,045 But even if I did, I wouldn't tell them to anyone 252 00:11:53,125 --> 00:11:56,765 because there is nothing more boring than someone telling you a dream they had. 253 00:11:57,205 --> 00:11:58,605 See what you think of this then. 254 00:11:59,205 --> 00:12:01,765 -She's gonna tell us anyway-. -[Kath] I was looking in the mirror, 255 00:12:02,405 --> 00:12:04,325 and I looked really weird 256 00:12:04,405 --> 00:12:05,925 and I could pull my hair out-- 257 00:12:06,005 --> 00:12:06,845 I know how you feel. 258 00:12:06,925 --> 00:12:08,085 And... 259 00:12:08,165 --> 00:12:10,365 So I tried my teeth, and my teeth were loose, 260 00:12:10,765 --> 00:12:13,125 but then, it wasn't me, it was a baby. 261 00:12:13,205 --> 00:12:14,685 What the hell does that mean? 262 00:12:14,765 --> 00:12:17,605 Wow. You had that dream with the baby and the teeth and the hair? 263 00:12:17,685 --> 00:12:20,485 -Mmm. -Wow, I don't know if it was Freud or Jung 264 00:12:20,565 --> 00:12:23,085 that said if you have that dream and tell other people about it, 265 00:12:23,165 --> 00:12:24,485 you're really fucking boring. 266 00:12:24,965 --> 00:12:25,805 Rude. 267 00:12:27,165 --> 00:12:29,005 Make a good column, though, wouldn't it, dreams? 268 00:12:29,085 --> 00:12:31,925 [Tony] No. I tell you what would be good. I haven't been sleeping, 269 00:12:32,005 --> 00:12:35,125 so if you could come around every night and talk to me for five minutes, 270 00:12:35,205 --> 00:12:37,645 and then sneak out as I slip into a coma, 271 00:12:37,725 --> 00:12:39,685 that'd be really good. 272 00:12:40,045 --> 00:12:42,365 [Kath] Thought of another feature for the paper, actually. 273 00:12:42,445 --> 00:12:44,445 Fantasy dinner-party guests. 274 00:12:45,005 --> 00:12:47,965 Brilliant, hey? Pick your top five favorite people, and why. 275 00:12:48,045 --> 00:12:49,165 Why, indeed. 276 00:12:49,245 --> 00:12:51,365 Who would yours be? Five people, dead or alive. 277 00:12:51,445 --> 00:12:52,485 Dead. 278 00:12:52,565 --> 00:12:54,645 -Who, though? -Doesn't matter, as long as they're dead. 279 00:12:54,725 --> 00:12:56,125 [sighing] I know mine. 280 00:12:56,205 --> 00:12:58,245 -[Tony] Of course you do. -Number one, James Corden. 281 00:12:58,325 --> 00:13:00,645 -Fuck me. -We could do that Carpool Karaoke. 282 00:13:00,725 --> 00:13:02,245 Could you do Carpool Kamikaze? 283 00:13:02,325 --> 00:13:03,765 That man can do anything. 284 00:13:03,845 --> 00:13:06,205 -And does. -I know the cool kids don't like him, 285 00:13:06,285 --> 00:13:07,765 but he never stops working. 286 00:13:07,845 --> 00:13:10,525 -As a chauffeur mainly. -He's a grafter, like me. 287 00:13:10,925 --> 00:13:11,885 Princess Diana. 288 00:13:12,645 --> 00:13:14,685 She'd know how she died. You know, what happened. 289 00:13:14,765 --> 00:13:17,085 So we'd be able to sort that out, once and for all. 290 00:13:17,165 --> 00:13:19,805 So you've brought this poor woman back to life 291 00:13:19,885 --> 00:13:21,845 so you can quiz her about how she died? 292 00:13:21,925 --> 00:13:24,965 The dead always want to tell their story so they can be at peace. 293 00:13:25,045 --> 00:13:27,885 She's not at peace. She's in a room with you and James fuckin' Corden. 294 00:13:27,965 --> 00:13:29,325 -Mr. Bean. -Fictional. 295 00:13:29,405 --> 00:13:30,605 Hilarious, more like. 296 00:13:30,685 --> 00:13:34,085 You've invited multimillionaire Rowan Atkinson, right, 297 00:13:34,165 --> 00:13:38,085 along to a dinner party with you, a dead woman, and James Corden, 298 00:13:38,365 --> 00:13:39,885 and you expect him to stay in character 299 00:13:39,965 --> 00:13:42,445 for three hours as Mr. fuckin' Bean? 300 00:13:42,845 --> 00:13:44,285 It's up to me who I invite. 301 00:13:46,645 --> 00:13:47,485 Kevin Hart, 302 00:13:47,565 --> 00:13:48,885 funniest man in the world. 303 00:13:49,445 --> 00:13:51,285 -That's four, innit? -Yeah. 304 00:13:51,365 --> 00:13:53,125 -Michael Jackson. -[Tony scoffs] 305 00:13:54,125 --> 00:13:56,845 James Corden would come if Jacko walked in. 306 00:13:56,925 --> 00:13:58,965 Just fuckin' drench everyone. 307 00:13:59,485 --> 00:14:00,605 You need to grow up. 308 00:14:02,525 --> 00:14:04,805 Worst dinner party ever. 309 00:14:07,685 --> 00:14:08,685 [sighing] Oh, good. 310 00:14:10,005 --> 00:14:11,005 Busy? 311 00:14:11,365 --> 00:14:12,205 Trying to be. 312 00:14:12,285 --> 00:14:13,685 It doesn't look like you are. 313 00:14:13,765 --> 00:14:16,085 Watching her bothering us while we're trying to work? 314 00:14:16,165 --> 00:14:17,845 Can you do what I asked you to do, please? 315 00:14:17,925 --> 00:14:19,405 You're meant to be teaching Sandy-- 316 00:14:19,485 --> 00:14:20,565 She's learning a lot. 317 00:14:22,005 --> 00:14:22,845 Please. 318 00:14:30,645 --> 00:14:32,205 Right, it's going. Come on. 319 00:14:32,285 --> 00:14:33,725 -No, come on. -Yeah. 320 00:14:33,965 --> 00:14:36,765 -This is stupid. You're gonna get hurt. -Why? 321 00:14:36,845 --> 00:14:38,765 -Because you're old! -I'm not old. 322 00:14:38,845 --> 00:14:40,965 -[Lisa] I'm old. Look, I'm drunk. -Come on. 323 00:14:41,045 --> 00:14:43,285 -I know, but that's good if you're drunk. -No, it's stupid. 324 00:14:43,365 --> 00:14:45,485 Drunk people, they sort of bounce. All right, come on. 325 00:14:45,565 --> 00:14:48,445 If I fall on you, I'm not taking you to A&E. 326 00:14:48,525 --> 00:14:50,765 -[Tony] No. Okay. -Right, go. Go. [laughing] 327 00:14:50,845 --> 00:14:52,205 Stupid thing! 328 00:14:52,285 --> 00:14:53,725 -[whooping] I'm flying! -[Tony whoops] 329 00:14:53,805 --> 00:14:55,405 [Tony laughing loudly] 330 00:14:55,485 --> 00:14:56,525 Yes! 331 00:14:56,605 --> 00:14:58,805 [Tony] Let go, sweetie. Let go. 332 00:14:58,885 --> 00:15:02,045 -[Tony] Whoa! Argh! [laughing] -[Lisa laughing hysterically] 333 00:15:03,525 --> 00:15:04,845 [keyboard clattering] 334 00:15:08,645 --> 00:15:11,645 So what sort of journalism are you interested in? 335 00:15:12,365 --> 00:15:13,845 You don't have to babysit me. 336 00:15:15,045 --> 00:15:16,445 I'm happy to just sit here. 337 00:15:18,005 --> 00:15:19,165 I like peace and quiet. 338 00:15:19,765 --> 00:15:22,645 I live at home with my mum, dad, brother and sister, so... 339 00:15:23,165 --> 00:15:25,005 the house can be quite full of life. 340 00:15:26,085 --> 00:15:27,405 -[Sandy sighs] -What? 341 00:15:27,845 --> 00:15:28,685 [quietly] I'm sorry. 342 00:15:28,765 --> 00:15:30,205 What? What's the matter? 343 00:15:32,245 --> 00:15:33,085 You're sad. 344 00:15:33,845 --> 00:15:34,925 It's fine, seriously. 345 00:15:35,925 --> 00:15:38,605 I was married for 25 years. It was brilliant. 346 00:15:39,565 --> 00:15:41,285 Now it's over. It's not your problem. 347 00:15:42,405 --> 00:15:43,965 -Did you not want any kids? -No. 348 00:15:44,965 --> 00:15:48,445 -Annoying little fuckers. -[laughs and sighs] 349 00:15:50,325 --> 00:15:51,965 You can still be happy. 350 00:15:52,045 --> 00:15:53,525 [whispering] I'll try, but stop crying 351 00:15:53,605 --> 00:15:55,565 because people will think I said summat awful. 352 00:15:55,645 --> 00:15:57,485 -Okay. -[whispering] Okay. Shhhh. 353 00:15:58,245 --> 00:16:01,605 See, this is why I don't want kids. They're too snotty and pathetic. 354 00:16:01,685 --> 00:16:02,925 [Sandy laughs] 355 00:16:03,485 --> 00:16:04,485 Oh! 356 00:16:04,565 --> 00:16:05,965 I think he's gonna eat. Watch this. 357 00:16:27,445 --> 00:16:28,925 He told you to watch me eat, didn't he? 358 00:16:29,005 --> 00:16:29,885 Yeah. 359 00:16:30,525 --> 00:16:32,205 -Thoughts? -It's fine. 360 00:16:33,285 --> 00:16:35,485 No, exactly. I put the food in my gob, 361 00:16:35,565 --> 00:16:37,725 I chew it, I swallow it, just like everyone else. 362 00:16:37,805 --> 00:16:40,725 But from here, it looks like that super photography 363 00:16:40,805 --> 00:16:45,805 when they sort of magnify a snail, like one thousand times, eating a cabbage. 364 00:16:45,885 --> 00:16:48,765 No, nothing like that. You'd never catch me eating cabbages. 365 00:16:48,845 --> 00:16:50,765 My granddad never used to eat cabbages. 366 00:16:50,845 --> 00:16:53,325 Did he die of diabetes like he's gonna? 367 00:16:53,405 --> 00:16:54,485 No, bowel cancer. 368 00:16:57,205 --> 00:16:58,805 Do you get any fiber in your diet? 369 00:16:58,885 --> 00:16:59,845 Yeah, loads. 370 00:16:59,925 --> 00:17:02,045 -What fruit and veg? -Meant to have five a day. 371 00:17:02,165 --> 00:17:04,285 -How many portions do you have a day? -Ten. 372 00:17:04,365 --> 00:17:05,925 -Potatoes don't count. -None, then. 373 00:17:23,725 --> 00:17:25,725 -[klaxon hoots] -[Lisa screams] 374 00:17:25,805 --> 00:17:28,765 -[Tony laughing hysterically] -Oh, my God, Tony! [laughs] 375 00:17:29,725 --> 00:17:32,565 -You're such a dick! -[Tony laughing] Oh! 376 00:17:32,925 --> 00:17:34,285 -That's really good. -[Lisa] Thanks. 377 00:17:34,365 --> 00:17:35,845 [Tony] I like to think that I helped-- 378 00:17:35,925 --> 00:17:37,805 -[Lisa] Yeah, that bit. -[Tony laughing] 379 00:17:37,885 --> 00:17:39,725 -[Lisa] You can sign that bit. -[doorbell rings] 380 00:17:39,805 --> 00:17:41,805 [Lisa] Yeah, where I jumped. 381 00:17:47,605 --> 00:17:50,125 -[Braden] Hey. You all right? -Good. All right, George? 382 00:17:50,205 --> 00:17:53,165 -So I'll be back about seven. -Make sure it is. I've got that thing. 383 00:17:53,245 --> 00:17:55,165 -Okay, no worries. See you then. -Yep. 384 00:17:55,525 --> 00:17:56,965 Be a good boy for Uncle Tony, George! 385 00:17:58,685 --> 00:18:02,245 Um, maybe don't bring up the wanting to kill yourself thing. 386 00:18:03,445 --> 00:18:04,325 As if I would. 387 00:18:04,845 --> 00:18:06,725 Sorry. Yeah, I know. Okay. 388 00:18:08,005 --> 00:18:09,205 What if he brings it up? 389 00:18:10,565 --> 00:18:11,645 Why would he bring it up? 390 00:18:12,725 --> 00:18:13,565 He wouldn't. 391 00:18:14,045 --> 00:18:15,005 It was a joke. 392 00:18:15,085 --> 00:18:16,125 Oh. [laughs feebly] 393 00:18:17,485 --> 00:18:19,165 -All right, see ya later. -See ya later. 394 00:18:24,725 --> 00:18:25,565 Do you want a drink? 395 00:18:25,645 --> 00:18:26,685 Yes, please. 396 00:18:31,485 --> 00:18:33,165 -Whiskey? -[chuckles] 397 00:18:35,165 --> 00:18:36,365 And we've got-- Oh. 398 00:18:37,565 --> 00:18:38,405 Coke? 399 00:18:38,965 --> 00:18:39,925 [can opening] 400 00:18:41,765 --> 00:18:42,765 [Tony sighs] 401 00:18:45,325 --> 00:18:47,965 Daddy says you're sad since Auntie Lisa died. 402 00:18:48,765 --> 00:18:49,605 Yep. 403 00:18:50,125 --> 00:18:51,085 I'm sad, too. 404 00:18:51,805 --> 00:18:53,805 I dream about her sometimes. 405 00:18:55,125 --> 00:18:56,165 Me too. 406 00:18:56,245 --> 00:18:58,205 Why didn't the doctors make her better? 407 00:19:00,165 --> 00:19:01,005 They tried. 408 00:19:01,805 --> 00:19:03,445 Why didn't Jesus save her? 409 00:19:03,525 --> 00:19:05,005 'Cause he's an arsehole. 410 00:19:05,085 --> 00:19:06,045 [laughs] 411 00:19:06,125 --> 00:19:08,645 -Don't tell your mum and dad I said that. -I won't. 412 00:19:09,645 --> 00:19:11,205 -You had your tea? -No. 413 00:19:11,845 --> 00:19:13,325 -Hungry? -Yeah. 414 00:19:14,325 --> 00:19:15,525 Shall we go to the cafe? 415 00:19:16,125 --> 00:19:18,365 -[George] Yeah. -Yeah. Come on then. 416 00:19:20,525 --> 00:19:22,365 -You got any money? -No. 417 00:19:22,445 --> 00:19:23,645 Loser. [clears throat] 418 00:19:27,125 --> 00:19:29,205 [Tony] What d'you fancy? -Mmm... 419 00:19:29,685 --> 00:19:31,285 Fish fingers and beans. 420 00:19:31,365 --> 00:19:32,205 [Tony] Good choice. 421 00:19:32,925 --> 00:19:34,125 Think I'll have that. 422 00:19:35,245 --> 00:19:38,325 -What can I get for ya? -We're having the fish fingers and beans. 423 00:19:38,685 --> 00:19:40,645 That's only on the children's menu, I'm afraid. 424 00:19:40,725 --> 00:19:42,205 Yeah, I'm not very hungry. 425 00:19:42,485 --> 00:19:43,885 I can't let you order that. 426 00:19:44,605 --> 00:19:45,445 What do you mean? 427 00:19:46,125 --> 00:19:47,405 It's for children. [laughs] 428 00:19:47,805 --> 00:19:49,885 But... I can eat what children eat, can't I? 429 00:19:49,965 --> 00:19:51,365 Yeah, but it's only £4.99. 430 00:19:51,845 --> 00:19:53,885 Yeah, I know, 'cause it's a smaller portion. 431 00:19:54,765 --> 00:19:56,285 I'm paying child's prices, 432 00:19:56,365 --> 00:19:58,205 but I'm getting a children's portion. 433 00:19:59,005 --> 00:20:01,485 Yeah, but we made it cheaper 'cause it's for kids. 434 00:20:01,925 --> 00:20:03,485 I know, 'cause they're smaller. 435 00:20:03,685 --> 00:20:06,005 It's smaller 'cause they're smaller. It's not a concession. 436 00:20:06,085 --> 00:20:09,405 It's not 'cause they're unemployed, is it? And also, an adult's paying, so-- 437 00:20:09,485 --> 00:20:10,485 It's the rules. 438 00:20:11,885 --> 00:20:13,645 -Is it? -Mmm. 439 00:20:14,245 --> 00:20:15,085 Right. 440 00:20:15,645 --> 00:20:18,045 Well, he'll have fish fingers and beans... 441 00:20:18,125 --> 00:20:19,125 twice. 442 00:20:20,885 --> 00:20:23,005 -You'll just eat one of them, won't ya? -Nah. 443 00:20:23,525 --> 00:20:24,605 So what are you ordering? 444 00:20:24,685 --> 00:20:27,045 As I say, I'm not very hungry, so I'll just get a coffee. 445 00:20:28,725 --> 00:20:29,605 [huffs] 446 00:20:32,805 --> 00:20:33,805 Both for him, are they? 447 00:20:42,245 --> 00:20:43,525 -That good? -Mm. 448 00:20:44,965 --> 00:20:46,965 [customers chattering] 449 00:20:48,405 --> 00:20:49,445 Mmm. 450 00:21:01,125 --> 00:21:03,125 [Brandy panting] 451 00:21:04,685 --> 00:21:06,125 [under breath] Fuckin' 'ell. 452 00:21:06,205 --> 00:21:07,965 [quietly] Where's your fuckin' dad? 453 00:21:09,245 --> 00:21:11,205 -[doorbell rings] -Oh. Oh, no. 454 00:21:11,285 --> 00:21:13,605 Please don't be Julian. Please don't be Julian. 455 00:21:15,245 --> 00:21:16,125 Yes! 456 00:21:17,725 --> 00:21:19,365 -George! -I'm sorry, erm... 457 00:21:19,445 --> 00:21:21,085 [Tony] It's all right. See ya later. 458 00:21:21,165 --> 00:21:22,725 -Cheers. [Braden] There he is. All right? 459 00:21:23,125 --> 00:21:24,245 -See you tomorrow. -All right? 460 00:21:24,325 --> 00:21:25,245 -Yeah, good. -Yeah? 461 00:21:25,325 --> 00:21:27,845 -Had a good time? -Yeah, good. Off you-- Fuck. 462 00:21:28,325 --> 00:21:30,485 -Hey, what are you doing here? -[Tony] Because... 463 00:21:31,005 --> 00:21:33,845 he's come around to talk about getting started on the paper. 464 00:21:35,005 --> 00:21:36,245 -Not this. -Oh, right. 465 00:21:36,325 --> 00:21:37,405 -Great. -Exactly. 466 00:21:37,485 --> 00:21:39,125 -Right-- -[Braden] Got a takeaway? 467 00:21:39,205 --> 00:21:40,125 It's drugs. 468 00:21:40,205 --> 00:21:41,685 -You don't need to answer-- -What? 469 00:21:41,765 --> 00:21:43,605 And it's seven, so go. 470 00:21:43,685 --> 00:21:45,405 -Okay. -[Tony] Come in. 471 00:21:46,165 --> 00:21:47,245 [Braden] Was that all right? 472 00:21:47,325 --> 00:21:49,565 Why would you say drugs? 473 00:21:57,405 --> 00:22:00,885 ♪ I packed my bags last night Preflight ♪ 474 00:22:04,365 --> 00:22:07,445 ♪ Zero hour, 9:00 a.m.  ♪ 475 00:22:10,965 --> 00:22:15,445 ♪ And I'm gonna be high ♪ 476 00:22:16,045 --> 00:22:18,845 ♪ As a kite by then ♪ 477 00:22:25,005 --> 00:22:27,645 ♪ I miss the Earth so much ♪ 478 00:22:27,725 --> 00:22:29,445 ♪ I miss my wife ♪ 479 00:22:33,085 --> 00:22:36,205 ♪ It's lonely out in space ♪ 480 00:22:38,725 --> 00:22:43,885 ♪ On such a timeless flight ♪ 481 00:22:53,005 --> 00:22:56,405 ♪ And I think it's gonna be a long, long time ♪ 482 00:22:56,485 --> 00:22:59,925 ♪ 'Till touch down brings me round again to find ♪ 483 00:23:00,445 --> 00:23:03,405 ♪ I'm not the man they think I am at home ♪ 484 00:23:03,485 --> 00:23:05,325 ♪ Oh, no, no, no ♪ 485 00:23:06,085 --> 00:23:08,445 ♪ I'm a rocket man ♪ 486 00:23:10,005 --> 00:23:11,485 ♪ Rocket man ♪ 487 00:23:11,565 --> 00:23:14,925 ♪ Burning out his fuse up here alone ♪ 488 00:23:20,965 --> 00:23:24,405 ♪ And I think it's gonna be a long, long time ♪ 489 00:23:24,485 --> 00:23:28,285 ♪ 'Till touch down brings me round again to find ♪ 490 00:23:28,365 --> 00:23:31,365 ♪ I'm not the man they think I am at home ♪ 491 00:23:31,445 --> 00:23:33,645 ♪ Oh, no, no, no ♪ 492 00:23:34,245 --> 00:23:36,605 ♪ I'm a rocket man ♪ 493 00:23:38,085 --> 00:23:39,605 ♪ Rocket man ♪ 494 00:23:39,685 --> 00:23:43,085 ♪ Burning out his fuse up here alone  ♪ 495 00:23:49,285 --> 00:23:52,525 ♪ And I think it's gonna be a long, long time ♪ 496 00:23:52,605 --> 00:23:56,285 ♪ 'Till touch down brings me round again to find ♪ 497 00:23:56,365 --> 00:23:59,405 ♪ I'm not the man they think I am at home ♪ 498 00:23:59,485 --> 00:24:01,525 ♪ Oh, no, no, no ♪ 499 00:24:02,285 --> 00:24:04,485 ♪ I'm a rocket man ♪ 500 00:24:06,165 --> 00:24:07,485 ♪ Rocket man ♪ 501 00:24:07,805 --> 00:24:11,325 ♪ Burning out his fuse up here alone  ♪ 502 00:24:14,645 --> 00:24:18,685 ♪ And I think it's gonna be a long, long time... ♪