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00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
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America's most wanted.
Have you seen this man?

3
00:00:18,520 --> 00:00:20,795
(Police radio, sirens)

4
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'Eagle, you're looking great.
Coming up nine minutes.'

5
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Fr-Fr-Fr-Fresh.

6
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'Ear me now, rude boys.
I has got nuff heavy TV ideas,

7
00:00:39,160 --> 00:00:41,913
which is why I is come 'ere to...

8
00:00:45,160 --> 00:00:46,957
Los Angeles,

9
00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:49,560
to see if I can make it
in the world of telly.

10
00:00:49,600 --> 00:00:50,589
Bo'!

11
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What is this project about?

12
00:01:00,440 --> 00:01:06,276
It's loosely based on, like,
James Bond but it's for TV.

13
00:01:06,320 --> 00:01:09,039
I've seen that over and over
and over again.

14
00:01:09,080 --> 00:01:12,117
- There's nothing new.
- I done an eight-minute thing.

15
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Let me see, I'll watch a little bit of it.

16
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(# Techno)

17
00:01:20,960 --> 00:01:22,757
Get him!

18
00:01:30,360 --> 00:01:32,590
This bit's good.

19
00:01:34,960 --> 00:01:37,633
OK. I got... I got the idea.

20
00:01:39,080 --> 00:01:41,640
All right. Um...

21
00:01:41,680 --> 00:01:44,319
This is not a genre that I'm interested in.

22
00:01:44,360 --> 00:01:48,069
- You ain't given it a chance.
- I have. I'm not interested.

23
00:01:48,120 --> 00:01:51,317
People will switch on when
they see the title, James Bond.

24
00:01:51,360 --> 00:01:53,828
I'm not interested in it.

25
00:01:53,880 --> 00:01:56,997
Thank you very much,
I'm not interested in it.

26
00:01:58,600 --> 00:02:02,070
I can't make it any more clear.
I'm not interested in it.

27
00:02:02,120 --> 00:02:05,430
As clear as I could possibly...
I am not interested in it.

28
00:02:05,480 --> 00:02:08,313
I want you to just level with me.

29
00:02:08,360 --> 00:02:10,351
If you like it, say you like it.

30
00:02:10,400 --> 00:02:13,153
- If you don't, say it.
- I tried to say it.

31
00:02:13,200 --> 00:02:15,714
- There's another...
- I have time for one pitch.

32
00:02:15,760 --> 00:02:19,150
It's like Who Wants To Be A Millionaire
but with more cash.

33
00:02:19,200 --> 00:02:22,158
I really have to...
I have another appointment.

34
00:02:22,200 --> 00:02:24,316
It's Who Wants To Be A Billionaire.

35
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There's also one massive
selling factor here - the cast.

36
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Me knows this girl
who also lives in Staines

37
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called Melanie Gibson.

38
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I is hoping to get her involved,

39
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then we can put on the posters
"Starring Mel Gibson".

40
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:50,595
OK. But in this country, actors,

41
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if they have a name that's already taken,

42
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they can't even use their legal name.

43
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She's known
by a lot of her mates as Mel.

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- And that's...
- "Mel, yo, can you...?"

45
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Officially, if she's, like,
applying for a job, Melanie.

46
00:03:06,480 --> 00:03:10,632
But once she is in there -
"Yo, Mel, has you got...?

47
00:03:10,680 --> 00:03:13,194
"What is you up to tonight, Mel?"

48
00:03:13,240 --> 00:03:16,755
She might have a little problem
clearing the name

49
00:03:16,800 --> 00:03:19,030
with the Screen Actors Guild here.

50
00:03:19,080 --> 00:03:22,277
Me would raise, like, loads of cash

51
00:03:22,320 --> 00:03:25,869
by threatening to cuss companies

52
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if they didn't 'and over cash.

53
00:03:28,520 --> 00:03:31,990
So let's say we ask McDonald's,

54
00:03:32,040 --> 00:03:36,033
you know, "Do you wanna 'elp fund
the programme?"

55
00:03:36,080 --> 00:03:38,674
If them say no, we say, "All right,

56
00:03:38,720 --> 00:03:43,077
"we is gonna have someone eatin'
a Big Mac and then dyin' of cancer."

57
00:03:43,120 --> 00:03:47,398
Well, that's almost
tantamount to blackmail.

58
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Let's say I rang up McDonald's,
spoke to the main man.

59
00:03:51,280 --> 00:03:54,955
I'd say, "Yo, Ronald, give me the cash."

60
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What I think is that you have
to be positive in your approach.

61
00:03:59,200 --> 00:04:01,794
So maybe me show you the tape.

62
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'I can't believe it. It's a lady.'

63
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Thanks for saving my life.

64
00:04:17,080 --> 00:04:19,469
(Grunting)

65
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(Mobile phone)

66
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'What is it?
I is in the middle of having sex.'

67
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It better be important.

68
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Wow, that is fuckin' important.

69
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'What, there is a bomb?
I just gotta finish meself off.'

70
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Thanks.

71
00:04:46,560 --> 00:04:49,154
Before you leave me,
I didn't catch your name.

72
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Me name is James Bond.

73
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James... Bond.

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- Do you wanna produce it?
- No.

75
00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:09,309
No, it's not my kind of show.

76
00:05:09,360 --> 00:05:11,430
My other idea is this -

77
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a police dog has died

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and its spirit has gone into
the Chief of Police.

79
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And it is called...

80
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Hot Dog Cop.

81
00:05:28,680 --> 00:05:33,515
Does this police chief
know what's going on?

82
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That's the best thing about it.
Ain't got no idea.

83
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- What happens when it takes over?
- Him can speak to the dogs,

84
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him can run like a dog - well fast,

85
00:05:45,200 --> 00:05:49,671
but also, he does the dirty stuff
that dogs do as well.

86
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Like, he'll do a... Suddenly
he can't control himself, do one.

87
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I think it would take a very... uh...

88
00:06:01,480 --> 00:06:06,554
ingenious script... to make it work.

89
00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:11,390
You would need a dog
to help write some of it.

90
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- And by that, what do you mean?
- The dog bits.

91
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(Police radio, sirens)

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(# East European folk-pop)

93
00:06:46,120 --> 00:06:48,270
Hello. Chinqui.

94
00:06:48,320 --> 00:06:53,872
I come here to learn etiquette
in deep South with Helen,

95
00:06:53,920 --> 00:06:57,435
who professor of etiquette.

96
00:06:57,480 --> 00:06:59,471
- Yes, sir.
- Hello.

97
00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:04,594
- Hello.
- Should you be polite to all?

98
00:07:04,640 --> 00:07:09,316
- Yes.
- Er, should you be polite to prostitute?

99
00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:14,029
- Well, yes, because that's what they do.
- Yes.

100
00:07:14,080 --> 00:07:17,516
How much is polite to tip them?

101
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- To tip?
- Yes.

102
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Usually, it's ten per cent.

103
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- In some places, it's...
- Yes.

104
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- For hand relief.
...sometimes 20 per cent.

105
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For with vagine.

106
00:07:30,120 --> 00:07:33,317
But it is always proper to tip.

107
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Will you teach me, please,
how to be... manners?

108
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- Yes, sir, I will.
- Thank you.

109
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- You're welcome.
- Thank you.

110
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You're welcome.

111
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- Thank you?
- You're welcome.

112
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Er, thank you?

113
00:07:50,560 --> 00:07:54,235
You say how to talk to people
with different personality.

114
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Right. We also have a dull person.

115
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Like my wife.

116
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- What you need to do...
- She is boring.

117
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You need to think about things
to help her not be boring.

118
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It is like doing it with my sister.

119
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We're not talking about that.
Is she boring to have dinner with?

120
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- Yes.
- You need things to talk about.

121
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Maybe it's because you
haven't done enough with her.

122
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I do everything! I try...

123
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In the kitchen I do it, every way,

124
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we try, we look at the DVD,

125
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we try to make it ourself.

126
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(Man) Ladies and gentlemen...

127
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This is Elsa McDowell, this is Borat.

128
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Hello. How do you do?

129
00:08:47,840 --> 00:08:52,072
- Simms McDowell. Pleased to meet you.
- Chinqui.

130
00:08:52,680 --> 00:08:56,719
- Hello, I'm George Thurmand.
- Hello. Borat Sagdiyev.

131
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Can I talk about what I did last night?

132
00:09:01,920 --> 00:09:04,070
Well, it depends on what you did.

133
00:09:04,120 --> 00:09:07,874
Is it somethin' personal that
might make someone embarrassed?

134
00:09:07,920 --> 00:09:09,319
No.

135
00:09:10,520 --> 00:09:12,954
Last night, er...

136
00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:14,991
I had sex.

137
00:09:17,760 --> 00:09:20,274
I beg your pardon?

138
00:09:20,320 --> 00:09:25,348
I had, um... with woman from Gambia

139
00:09:25,400 --> 00:09:27,516
I do, um...

140
00:09:27,560 --> 00:09:29,551
Oh!

141
00:09:30,880 --> 00:09:33,838
In America we don't discuss that.

142
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But she was nice!

143
00:09:36,240 --> 00:09:38,231
High five!

144
00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:42,274
- She was...
- You're in trouble, George!

145
00:09:42,320 --> 00:09:45,357
Can I talk about my hobbies?

146
00:09:45,400 --> 00:09:48,437
Sure. That's a wonderful thing
to talk about.

147
00:09:48,480 --> 00:09:51,278
Again, that's getting to know a person.

148
00:09:52,600 --> 00:09:55,160
Do you like porno?

149
00:09:55,200 --> 00:09:59,910
(Man) No.
(Woman) An interesting conversation.

150
00:09:59,960 --> 00:10:03,157
But why? In Kazakhstan now,

151
00:10:03,200 --> 00:10:06,351
after communism we have a lot of porno.

152
00:10:06,400 --> 00:10:09,710
I like... I like a shaven pussy!

153
00:10:10,840 --> 00:10:13,877
Should I talk about my family?

154
00:10:13,920 --> 00:10:17,151
Sure. I would share good things
about your family.

155
00:10:18,880 --> 00:10:22,555
My sister, she is a...

156
00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:24,591
a prostitute?

157
00:10:26,880 --> 00:10:29,030
That's sad.

158
00:10:29,080 --> 00:10:31,196
What?

159
00:10:31,240 --> 00:10:33,310
Why is she a prostitute?

160
00:10:33,360 --> 00:10:36,636
She like to make money! High five!

161
00:10:40,960 --> 00:10:44,032
She like to come to US and A.

162
00:10:45,120 --> 00:10:47,111
She can stay with you?

163
00:10:49,120 --> 00:10:51,395
We'd have to see.

164
00:10:51,440 --> 00:10:55,399
- She is good!
- I know the answer to that.

165
00:10:55,440 --> 00:10:58,079
What if I make a smell?

166
00:10:58,120 --> 00:11:00,588
Should I say is me?

167
00:11:00,640 --> 00:11:02,631
No, you don't make it obvious

168
00:11:02,680 --> 00:11:06,798
but if you feel like people
are looking at you like...

169
00:11:06,840 --> 00:11:09,593
you just say,
"Oh, excuse me, I'm sorry."

170
00:11:09,640 --> 00:11:12,632
- (Borat) There is a smell.
- Like you're...

171
00:11:12,680 --> 00:11:14,671
It smell like a shit.

172
00:11:14,720 --> 00:11:16,950
Yes, it does!

173
00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:21,551
We say a putt. When you do a putt,
when you squeeze a bad...

174
00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:25,513
a bad smell from the... hole.

175
00:11:25,560 --> 00:11:26,959
Hole.

176
00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:29,560
- You do a putt.
- That's right.

177
00:11:29,600 --> 00:11:32,956
- There are wonderful flowers...
- I can do a big putt!

178
00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:36,276
- You want I try?
- I'm good.

179
00:11:36,320 --> 00:11:40,074
- You want I try to do a putt?
- No.

180
00:11:40,120 --> 00:11:43,271
- I can do.
- I know you can. Who cannot?

181
00:11:43,320 --> 00:11:45,390
- You want I...?
- No.

182
00:11:45,440 --> 00:11:48,830
- Can you make yourself do it?
- I have one.

183
00:11:48,880 --> 00:11:51,269
- I have one, you want?
- No.

184
00:11:51,320 --> 00:11:53,390
Borat, don't do it.

185
00:11:53,440 --> 00:11:55,431
It is coming.

186
00:11:55,480 --> 00:11:57,471
- Um...
- (Man) We're waiting.

187
00:11:57,520 --> 00:11:59,829
- No, we're not.
- If you want, I can do.

188
00:11:59,880 --> 00:12:02,110
- Put your hand close.
- No!

189
00:12:02,160 --> 00:12:03,673
- Chinqui.
- Chinqui, OK.

190
00:12:03,720 --> 00:12:07,395
You are a fat! You are fat!

191
00:12:07,440 --> 00:12:10,591
- He is a fat.
- I'm fat. That's why I...

192
00:12:10,640 --> 00:12:12,631
You are tiny!

193
00:12:12,680 --> 00:12:16,116
He will squash you
when you do the sex.

194
00:12:23,640 --> 00:12:25,631
Easy now.

195
00:12:25,680 --> 00:12:29,912
Sex. You has all heard the words,

196
00:12:29,960 --> 00:12:33,157
probably nuff of you out there is done it.

197
00:12:33,200 --> 00:12:36,670
So, what is pornography?

198
00:12:36,720 --> 00:12:42,272
I think pornography sends
a very dangerous message to society.

199
00:12:42,320 --> 00:12:44,754
I think it lies about sex.

200
00:12:44,800 --> 00:12:48,952
- What does you think?
- I mean, I... (Giggles)

201
00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:52,879
- I enjoy watching it myself.
- No doubt.

202
00:12:52,920 --> 00:12:55,912
You know, a lot is the parents,

203
00:12:55,960 --> 00:12:58,952
because you have to be 18
to enter these sites.

204
00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:02,151
- There's a written...
- She's right.

205
00:13:02,200 --> 00:13:06,113
...statement saying, "Yes, I'm 18."
- That's...

206
00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:08,628
- Whoa, let her finish.
- I'm sorry.

207
00:13:08,680 --> 00:13:13,993
I'm seeing young girls, 12, 13,
and I'm thinking they're 18.

208
00:13:14,040 --> 00:13:16,508
For the men in this business,

209
00:13:16,560 --> 00:13:19,154
how important is it,
the size of the warrior?

210
00:13:19,200 --> 00:13:22,397
It's not really the size.
I've worked with quite large men,

211
00:13:22,440 --> 00:13:24,431
I've worked with smaller men.

212
00:13:24,480 --> 00:13:26,710
Cos I is got a massive one.

213
00:13:26,760 --> 00:13:30,992
But what does you say to people
with small ones? Not me.

214
00:13:31,040 --> 00:13:33,349
- No. It's...
- I'm quite the opposite.

215
00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:36,631
The saying, it's not how large,
it's how you use it.

216
00:13:36,680 --> 00:13:40,832
Why do you think it is that
you ain't had sex with someone yet?

217
00:13:40,880 --> 00:13:43,110
Is it because you is too shy

218
00:13:43,160 --> 00:13:46,391
or cos you is aiming for
honeys out of your league?

219
00:13:46,440 --> 00:13:49,113
- No.
- Is it cos of the confidence?

220
00:13:49,160 --> 00:13:52,277
- You don't go up to ladies...
- No. No. No. No.

221
00:13:52,320 --> 00:13:54,197
...and say, "Let's do it".
- No.

222
00:13:54,240 --> 00:13:59,758
I do not believe that sex with
multiple partners should be the norm.

223
00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:03,998
So you is saying is you actually is trying

224
00:14:04,040 --> 00:14:06,031
not to 'ave sex?

225
00:14:06,080 --> 00:14:09,231
I'm trying not to allow sex
to come to the forefront of my life.

226
00:14:09,280 --> 00:14:11,999
Does you think the age

227
00:14:12,040 --> 00:14:16,670
at which you can 'ave sex
is at the right level?

228
00:14:18,320 --> 00:14:23,997
For most states in this country,
the age of consensual sex

229
00:14:24,040 --> 00:14:27,635
- is usually around 16 or 18.
- Aight.

230
00:14:27,680 --> 00:14:30,478
Virgin, does you think
it's at the right age?

231
00:14:30,520 --> 00:14:33,353
Well, I think the difficulty

232
00:14:33,400 --> 00:14:37,473
is the issue that we're wired
to have sex pretty young.

233
00:14:37,520 --> 00:14:42,116
- How old... Can I...?
- I was 18 when I lost my virginity.

234
00:14:42,160 --> 00:14:44,071
How old was you?

235
00:14:44,120 --> 00:14:46,395
I ain't asking you cos you is a virgin.

236
00:14:46,440 --> 00:14:49,830
I was like, I think,
about ten or something,

237
00:14:49,880 --> 00:14:53,077
with this model from Italy who was 28.

238
00:14:54,360 --> 00:15:00,549
It is illegal for people
to 'ave sex below the age of 16.

239
00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:05,754
Should it be illegal to 'ave sex
above the age of, say, 50?

240
00:15:05,800 --> 00:15:09,588
I wouldn't want it to be illegal
to have sex above the age of 50

241
00:15:09,640 --> 00:15:11,631
for personal reasons!

242
00:15:11,680 --> 00:15:13,671
But like a couple of years ago,

243
00:15:13,720 --> 00:15:16,109
me had a really bad experience.

244
00:15:16,160 --> 00:15:18,151
Me walked in on me nana.

245
00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:25,874
She was doing it, like,
69 with Uncle Derek, her boyfriend -

246
00:15:25,920 --> 00:15:28,309
who ain't me real uncle.

247
00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:32,114
I felt sick, it was like walnuts in a sock.

248
00:15:32,160 --> 00:15:36,551
- How can that be right?
- Don't go into Nana's bedroom.

249
00:15:36,600 --> 00:15:40,070
Yeah, but they did it
in the living room as well.

250
00:15:40,120 --> 00:15:44,159
Well, that's irresponsible,
for parents to do that

251
00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:47,033
when there are children around
or anyone else.

252
00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:51,198
Let's just have one word
to sum up your position.

253
00:15:51,240 --> 00:15:53,071
Let's say commitment.

254
00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:55,350
- Virgin?
- Nobility.

255
00:15:56,160 --> 00:15:57,957
- Jesus.
- (Heart) Hmm.

256
00:15:59,160 --> 00:16:02,391
- Safety.
- Yo, and mine is peace.

257
00:16:02,440 --> 00:16:05,955
So let's try and do that into something.

258
00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:07,319
Er...

259
00:16:07,360 --> 00:16:10,557
(Soulfully) # Peace

260
00:16:10,600 --> 00:16:13,672
# Yo, nobility, yeah!

261
00:16:13,720 --> 00:16:16,029
# Check it

262
00:16:17,440 --> 00:16:20,273
# Cos Jesus... #

263
00:16:20,320 --> 00:16:22,311
Innit?

264
00:16:22,360 --> 00:16:24,669
# Is... #

265
00:16:24,720 --> 00:16:26,119
Commitment.

266
00:16:26,160 --> 00:16:30,756
# Commii-i-tment #

267
00:16:30,800 --> 00:16:32,597
OK.

268
00:16:32,640 --> 00:16:34,835
Peace.

269
00:16:34,880 --> 00:16:36,711
Mm? Just thought that up.

270
00:16:36,760 --> 00:16:42,471
Just like that. I didn't know what
your words was gonna be beforehand.

271
00:16:42,520 --> 00:16:46,229
- It was off the top of my head.
- Thank you.

272
00:16:49,960 --> 00:16:51,996
(# Fast techno)

273
00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:02,752
Entschuldigung, bitte.

274
00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:05,394
I'm here in the coolest city in the world.

275
00:17:05,440 --> 00:17:08,557
That's right, LA. Los Angeles.

276
00:17:08,600 --> 00:17:11,956
It makes Vienna look like
a Scheissendummführer.

277
00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:15,356
Let's go and find out
what makes it so out there.

278
00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:17,197
Whatever.

279
00:17:17,240 --> 00:17:19,231
Wir gehen zurück.

280
00:17:27,320 --> 00:17:31,393
Would you, like, prefer to be born
without a sense of fashion

281
00:17:31,440 --> 00:17:35,718
or with one of those hands
that has really small fingers,

282
00:17:35,760 --> 00:17:38,320
like half a hand thing?

283
00:17:38,360 --> 00:17:41,955
Yes, I'd rather be born with
a sense of fashion, definitely.

284
00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:44,195
- And one of those...
- Exactly.

285
00:17:44,240 --> 00:17:49,268
Because you can design something
to cover them, special gloves.

286
00:17:49,320 --> 00:17:53,108
Maybe you could add
some steel fingers or silver fingers,

287
00:17:53,160 --> 00:17:55,913
things to make it look exercised.

288
00:17:55,960 --> 00:18:00,636
What was it like when Madonna
came in through the door...

289
00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:03,638
- She didn't.
...did her vogue and said,

290
00:18:03,680 --> 00:18:05,671
"Hi, I'm a virgin?"

291
00:18:05,720 --> 00:18:09,554
Well, I don't wanna say.
She didn't come to the store here.

292
00:18:09,600 --> 00:18:12,319
- She hasn't been here?
- Not when I was here.

293
00:18:12,360 --> 00:18:16,069
Warum sind sie hier?
Du hast gesagt, Madonna.

294
00:18:16,120 --> 00:18:19,908
They're crazy about Madonna.
Can you just pretend...?

295
00:18:19,960 --> 00:18:23,430
OK, so what was it like when
Madonna came through the door

296
00:18:23,480 --> 00:18:26,995
and said, "I wanna buy these clothes,
they're the greatest,"

297
00:18:27,040 --> 00:18:29,031
and like did the vogue?

298
00:18:29,080 --> 00:18:31,799
Yeah, it was amazing, unbelievable.

299
00:18:31,840 --> 00:18:35,037
- How many things did she buy?
- 12 to 14 pieces.

300
00:18:35,080 --> 00:18:38,914
Oh, my God! And did she come back in
many, many, many times?

301
00:18:38,960 --> 00:18:40,951
Yes, she did.

302
00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:43,275
- Is this her favourite shop?
- Yes.

303
00:18:43,320 --> 00:18:45,390
What's the cool way to walk?

304
00:18:45,440 --> 00:18:48,238
All right. This is the coolest way to walk.

305
00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:54,072
OK, great.

306
00:18:54,120 --> 00:18:58,716
- What's, like, the innest religion now?
- Buddhism.

307
00:18:58,760 --> 00:19:03,038
And what was the in religion,
like, you know, last fall?

308
00:19:04,800 --> 00:19:06,791
Maybe Catholic.

309
00:19:06,840 --> 00:19:09,308
We've got a charity with the show,

310
00:19:09,360 --> 00:19:13,592
it's to do with, like,
death or dead children, I don't know.

311
00:19:13,640 --> 00:19:19,033
Er, I wondered if you can do
something for them, into camera?

312
00:19:19,080 --> 00:19:21,355
Take it away from the god of fashion.

313
00:19:21,400 --> 00:19:23,152
OK.

314
00:20:14,240 --> 00:20:18,074
- That's it.
- Cool. That will make a difference.

315
00:20:21,640 --> 00:20:25,189
What do you think about Hitler?
He was from Austria.

316
00:20:25,240 --> 00:20:27,231
Do you think he had good style?

317
00:20:27,280 --> 00:20:31,592
Their uniforms looked perfect.
It was never out of style.

318
00:20:31,640 --> 00:20:35,679
He had style and he had a message,
a bit like Christine Aguilera.

319
00:20:35,720 --> 00:20:37,995
Er, yeah, I guess he did have a message.

320
00:20:38,040 --> 00:20:41,828
So, if Jesus were alive today,
where would he shop?

321
00:20:41,880 --> 00:20:45,429
Er, Jesus would probably shop
on Melrose, actually.

322
00:20:45,480 --> 00:20:48,870
We've got a lot of shops
that have long, cool get-up

323
00:20:48,920 --> 00:20:52,390
yet still have that
back-to-earth kind of feeling.

324
00:20:52,440 --> 00:20:56,069
Sure. And what about Gandhi?

325
00:20:56,120 --> 00:20:58,190
Where would he shop?

326
00:20:58,240 --> 00:21:02,518
Gandhi was a minimalist.
I'd say he would shop downtown.

327
00:21:02,560 --> 00:21:05,358
Downtown there's a lot of fabric stores,

328
00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:10,315
I think he'd just buy a piece of fabric,
tie it with a rope and he'd be fine.

329
00:21:14,520 --> 00:21:16,670
(Bruno) What is Jonathan Antin?

330
00:21:16,720 --> 00:21:19,280
What is Jonathan Antin?

331
00:21:20,360 --> 00:21:22,351
Fuck, man. I'm just a...

332
00:21:22,400 --> 00:21:26,188
I'm a troubled, crazy...

333
00:21:26,240 --> 00:21:28,834
- Sure.
...fucking maniac

334
00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:33,431
that has a lot of feelings
and a lot of emotion

335
00:21:33,480 --> 00:21:35,550
and a lot of craziness.

336
00:21:35,600 --> 00:21:38,592
Look at the evil people in the world.

337
00:21:38,640 --> 00:21:42,872
Saddam Hussein, Hitler, Stalin.

338
00:21:42,920 --> 00:21:45,070
What did they all have in common?

339
00:21:45,120 --> 00:21:47,236
Moustaches.

340
00:21:47,280 --> 00:21:51,114
There's quite a few Middle Easterners
that look like him

341
00:21:51,160 --> 00:21:53,151
that are not totally crazy.

342
00:21:53,200 --> 00:21:55,395
There are a few people with moustaches

343
00:21:55,440 --> 00:21:58,079
who aren't totally crazy
but most of them...

344
00:21:58,120 --> 00:22:00,714
- A little fucking nuts.
- In my experience.

345
00:22:00,760 --> 00:22:04,150
Is it a coincidence that
all the good people have long hair,

346
00:22:04,200 --> 00:22:07,158
like Jesus and like hippies

347
00:22:07,200 --> 00:22:09,589
and, you know, Rod Stewart, whatever.

348
00:22:09,640 --> 00:22:12,791
Sure. I've done Rod Stewart's hair
for a long time.

349
00:22:12,840 --> 00:22:15,149
- I'll be really honest with you.
- Sure.

350
00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:19,398
I'm very impressed
that you've brought these issues up.

351
00:22:19,440 --> 00:22:24,560
Because I've thought of them
a couple of times in my career

352
00:22:24,600 --> 00:22:28,752
but I've never heard anyone else
address them except for you.

353
00:22:28,800 --> 00:22:33,954
- Thanks. That means a lot.
- Did you write all this shit?

354
00:22:34,000 --> 00:22:38,551
- Yeah, I've been thinking...
- Dude, that's so heavy.

355
00:22:38,600 --> 00:22:41,637
- I've always wondered why.
- Yeah, cos it's crazy.

356
00:22:41,680 --> 00:22:45,229
- Why all the good people...
- Jesus and Moses.

357
00:22:45,280 --> 00:22:47,589
- Yeah.
- In pictures of God...

358
00:22:47,640 --> 00:22:49,631
Long hair!

359
00:22:49,680 --> 00:22:53,229
They didn't care so much
about their look, they wore wraps,

360
00:22:53,280 --> 00:22:55,271
they grew their hair long.

361
00:22:55,320 --> 00:22:58,039
Say something controversial
into the camera.

362
00:22:58,080 --> 00:23:00,674
You motherfuckers in the Middle East,

363
00:23:00,720 --> 00:23:03,598
God help you if I ever come over there,

364
00:23:03,640 --> 00:23:06,632
cos I'll take all you cocksuckers out.

365
00:23:11,080 --> 00:23:13,958
We say in Kazakhstan
a man who never kill a man

366
00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:15,991
is like a man without any...

367
00:23:16,040 --> 00:23:18,031
How you say?

368
00:23:18,840 --> 00:23:20,990
- Is true, is true?
- Er...

369
00:23:21,040 --> 00:23:23,110
It's a strange feeling.

370
00:23:23,160 --> 00:23:26,835
You have a big, er...
You have a big, er, hràng?

371
00:23:26,880 --> 00:23:28,996
Ah... (Mutters)

372
00:23:29,040 --> 00:23:32,510
- Fairly. Yeah, it's, um...
- Yes.

373
00:23:32,560 --> 00:23:35,791
Not... Pretty good. Pretty good.

374
00:23:35,840 --> 00:23:39,628
- I can touch?
- In America, you don't, er...

375
00:23:39,680 --> 00:23:42,399
It's not, er...

376
00:23:44,040 --> 00:23:47,635
That's not one of our customs,
you know, where you...

377
00:23:47,680 --> 00:23:50,558
- I can touch?
- Er...

378
00:23:51,640 --> 00:23:53,756
Well, sure. Why not?

379
00:23:53,800 --> 00:23:56,030
- Yes, is OK with you?
- Sure.

380
00:23:58,560 --> 00:24:01,472
- Is nice.
- Thank you.

381
00:24:01,520 --> 00:24:05,593
Is, er, good but I have, er, seen bigger.

382
00:24:06,305 --> 00:24:12,674
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